Throw Down

Savannah turned four years old today. When I woke up I wished her a hearty happy birthday and asked how old she is. "I'm four!" she exclaimed. Then she asked curiously: "Will I be five tomorrow?" Whoa! One year at a time, little girl. Daddy can barely stomach having a little Sunbeam; she's growing up too fast as it is. I don't need her asking for the car keys next week.

My gift to her was a little horse in a purse I picked up in a quaint country and western store on Main Street in Steamboat Springs. Horses are a safe bet with Savannah. It was foretold in the mists of fate that it would be so when she uttered her first two-syllable word: "hor-sie". If her future husband ever ends up in the doghouse with her, a stuffed horsie should clear the air and restore harmony to their home. Would that it were so easy with Shannon. The only way to reenter her good graces is to clean the house for her… all 86 square feet of it. It's just not fair.

On my way out of the house to go to work I wished Savannah a happy birthday one last time. "Happy birthday to you too, Daddy!" she called. I'm pleased Savannah has grasped the principle of reciprocity at such a young age; some adults haven't even picked it up. I call as exhibit A the surly guy at Burger King.

"Can I help you," he states through the drive-thru radio in a flat monotone.

"Hey, how're you doing?" I reply.

Silence… "Can I help you," he says again, declaratively.

"I'd like a large number 1, ketchup only on the burger, Dr. Pepper to drink… do you have fruit punch?"

"$4.65. Drive around."

"Uh, do you have fruit punch?"

"Welcome to Burger King," he emotionlessly drawls. "Can I help you."

"Yeah, uh, I just ordered, but I'm wondering if you have fruit punch."

"$4.65. Drive around."

"Do you have fruit punch?"

Silence…"Welcome to Burger King. Can I help you."

I get a little put off by a lack of common courtesy. I had to bite my tongue to keep from informing him that I hear they have personalities on sale down at Target and that he should go pick one up.

Shannon also had a birthday today. She turned __ (I'm not certain if I should publish her age, so I error on the side of caution; she's been learning Tai-bo and agro-yoga – short for "aggressive yoga", a strain of yoga in which one unleashes his or her chi in a flurry of roundhouse kicks until the victim passes out from loss of blood). I got her a ______ (it hasn't arrived yet so I have to be coy). She feels _______ about turning __ (we didn't get a chance to talk much today). We had some ice cream as an appetizer for our full-fledged bash planned for tomorrow, when I don't have to work. For our full-fledged bash, we're going to eat cake and listen to ABBA. We really know how to throw down at my house.