I'm not the biggest fan of New Year's resolutions. I guess I'm kind of a cynic. I think it's dumb that people wait until the end of December to stop doing dumb stuff and start doing cool stuff. I start doing dumb stuff and stop doing cool stuff on most days of the year. Er... something like that.

But just to show Shannon that I have an optimistic side, I too have some New Year's resolutions to commit to for 4-6 weeks and then drop like a sack of wet yard trimmings.

5) I resolve to imagine myself exercising for 5-10 minutes per day.
4) I resolve to not say "should have gone" instead of "should have went" this year.
3) I resolve to eat three helpings of vegetables per week. Per month. Per quarter?
2) I resolve to reduce my carbon footprint by exhaling oxygen instead of CO2. I bet I can do it if I concentrate really hard.
1) I resolve to stop biting my fingernails. Except when I'm fasting, then it's okay. I get really hungry.

I think I'm going to be a new man, pretty much. Long fingernails, new tree-like breathing scheme, chimerically slimmed waistline. It will be tough to recognize me with my new, urbane look. I'm going to start answering only to "Chauncy".