That Time I Played Scrabble With Maria Sharapova

I really like Scrabble. Did you know they now have a Scrabble application on Facebook? Scrabble is now the coolest thing on Facebook, having seized that honor from the "Hide" button, which is the button with which you can hide certain people's inane status updates from ever disgracing your news feed again. And they never even know it. With the "Hide" button, you don't ever have that awkward Facebook moment where a person you un-friended four months ago sends you another friend request. And you're thinking, "So, do they realize I un-friended them and now this is kind of a militant 'be my friend or I'll send you a letter with anthrax in it' type of thing? Or do they simply have like 12,000 Facebook friends, so they can't remember whether they were ever friends with you in the first place or not, so they're like, 'Oh, gee, I really though I'd friended Abu Halen, but I guess I must've overlooked him -- but I shouldn't feel bad because it's hard to keep track of all your friends when, like me, you have more Facebook friends than there are people in Wyoming'?" You can just "Hide" them, and both of you go blissfully onward -- them blissfully unaware that you think their status updates are inane, you blissfully not having to inhale anthrax. Just out of curiosity, did you notice how I flawlessly punctuated that quote within a quote a sentence ago? Thanks. Some law students are born litigators. I'm a born punctuator. Not sure how to spell "punctuator," but I'll choose to spell it "-or" instead of "-er," because "-or" makes it look more like "Terminator." "-Er" makes it look more like "Gerber."

So, yeah, there's this sweet Scrabble application on Facebook. It's not really like actual Scrabble I guess, because there's a built in dictionary into which you can just type words to see if they're actual words. If it's a word, it turns green. If it's not a word, it turns red. So I guess playing Scrabble on Facebook is kind of like bowling with bumpers. Or like playing tennis with Maria Sharapova standing behind you, returning the shots you miss.

Actually, that would be really awkward to play tennis with Maria Sharapova standing behind you, returning shots you miss. Seriously, I can't listen to her play tennis. She makes me blush. I mean, can't the woman control her screaming? Look, we all have habits we have to learn to control because they're not socially appropriate. I, for instance, have to control the urge to raise my hand during my law school classes, when the students around me begin to take themselves too seriously in their comments, and say something like, "I'm a Leo," or "Once I went to Boise and stayed at the Holiday Inn," or "Sumo wrestlers look like Japanese butter." But I don't. I control myself. Can't Maria Sharapova do the same?

Now that I'm thinking about it, do you know what would be even more awkward than Maria Sharapova standing behind you while you play tennis and returning the shots you miss? Maria Sharapova standing behind you while you play Scrabble on Facebook and screaming every time you try to play a bogus word. Awk-ward. Or Maria Sharapova standing behind you while you grocery shop and screaming every time you put something in your cart. Even Wal-Mart might ask you to leave if you brought Maria Sharapova with you.

This is definitely the most fun I've ever had with Maria Sharapova. I predict that, having penned that last sentence, I'll get a ton of hits on this blog from people Googling "fun with Maria Sharapova." Schweet!