Airplanes vs. Crappy, Girly Priuses

I know there's really high demand to hear the story of how I got a free lunch at a pub, drank lemonade till I was tipsy, and then had to hire a designated driver to get back to the office, but it'll have to wait. Because right now there are equally, if not MORE, tantalizing things to discuss. And by "discuss" I mean I do all the talking and you sit there staring straight ahead, drool trickling out of the corner of your mouth, kind of like the drummer for ZZ Top.

Over there is an unrelated picture of a waterfall. Isn't it pretty?

So, I rode in an airplane today. Man, it went really fast. Did you know those bad boys get 55 miles to the gallon? I bet you can't get THAT kind of mileage in your crappy, girly Prius, can you? +1 for airplanes. -1 for crappy, girly Priuses. But then again, you don't have to go through security to get into your crappy, girly Prius. That equals the score. As fun as this game of Airplanes vs. Crappy, Girly Priuses is, I'm going to move on now.

On the plane, I sat next to a lady from northeastern England. I didn't understand a thing she said. I told myself it was because of the engine noise and not her accent, but I lied.

Me and English lady bonded instantly because she's from England and I'm going to England. It was like we had all sorts of stuff to talk about. For 180 seconds. Then things got a little quiet. She taught me how to pronounce "Hebrides," as in "the Outer Hebrides," which are the islands that make up the extreme northwestern boundary of Scotland. And I'm so glad she taught me because it's lame when you pronounce things wrong in a place where you don't live. It's like walking around with a t-shirt that says "Hate Me; I'm Both a Foreigner and a Poser." It's like when people come to Oregon and then pronounce it as a three-syllable word, like "Ore-ee-gun" or "Ore-a-gun" or, worse, "Ore-a-gone." When you hear that, you say, "You're not from around here, is ya?" And when they say no, you say "Are you from California?" And if they say no, then you discreetly put away your nunchucks.

So English lady saved me from that fate. I was all set to pronounce "Hebrides" like "Hee-brides" or "Heb-rides." But, surprise! It's pronounced "Heb-rid-ees." Log that one away, my friends, because you never know when you'll be stuck with your head in a guillotine and your captors will say, "If you can pronounce the following word properly, we'll let you go and call you Awesomehead forever: H-E-B-R-I-D-E-S." And you'll think to yourself, "It's hard to put into words how much I love Abu Halen." And I'll say, "Stop because you're embarrassing me. I'm just an average Abu Halen with extraordinary powers of pronunciation."