Recapping Madman

Recap of the awesome events of my interesting and note-worthy life that have occurred during the past 10 weeks, during which I haven't blogged, for reasons largely relating to me being truly important and in-demand, and also possibly related to me forgetting that I had a blog.

-- Wore the same pair of jeans, two t-shirts, and two pairs of underwear for six days while biking around the Scottish Isle of Skye. Smelled absolutely ghastly on the 8-hour bus ride back to Glasgow. Felt supernaturally uncomfortable when 20-something college girl sat next to me for the last hour and a half of the bus ride. Scrunched myself against the window so my mind-numbing aroma wouldn't pulverize her brain stem and give her seizures, which would have been awkward for everyone on the bus, but which, I suppose, would potentially have given me more room, as she would have been seizing in the aisle and not on my seat. Every cloud has a silver lining.

-- Got a new pair of running shoes for my birthday. They're gray and make me run faster than I could before. But they don't have velcro, so the kids on the playground still call me "Pooper Duper" and won't let me play wally ball with them.

-- Let my kids make a "secret potion" to administer to "bad guys." Suffered for my naivety when they added mace to their "potion." Coughed a lot and got stingy eyes when I burst into the bathroom to find out why the kids were coughing a lot and screaming about having stingy eyes. Called 911. Felt sort of dumb when like 10 firemen showed up. Used the opportunity to teach the kids about how 911 is for emergencies.

-- The next day Halen called 911 when he had to go pee but Savannah was using the toilet. It was, in Halen's words, an emergency.

--Watched 10 minutes of an episode of "Lost." Got confused when the chick got captured by Latin drug cartel members and taken to a Mayan temple thingy and then, seconds later, opened a can on a guy in a suit inside a woman's bathroom in the airport, all while wearing handcuffs. Started playing with my son's Lincoln Logs because they're more interesting.

-- Went to the Great Salt Lake's Antelope Island, which actually has antelopes, unlike Crater Lake's Wizard Island, which disappointingly has no wizards. Or, perhaps it does but they've all made themselves invisible. That could very well be the case. I'm surprised I've never considered that possibility before.

-- Rode a float in a parade. But it was no big deal. Man, I've been on so many floats in my life that I can't count them all. Well, maybe I can. One... two... yep. Turns out I can.

-- I (heart) Tootsie Rolls.