Let Them Eat Pony

I kind of failed to draw attention to Grace's and Halen's respective birthdays. They came and went, and I showed up, and I took pictures, and I boxed out my kids so I got more cupcakes than they did, but I didn't blog about their birthdays. And if you don't blog about something, there is some question as to whether it actually happened. Which is why now whenever someone asks how old Grace is, I say, "I'm not completely sure -- she's either three or four. Her precise age depends on the answer to the question: 'When a tree falls in a forest and no one hears it, does it make a sound?'" And then they say something about how lawyers are so stupid and pretentious and they walk away. And I head in the other direction with their wallet, which Grace fished from their pocket while they were distracted by my oral sophistry. It's a little routine we've been working on during family night.

"They never see me swipe their wallets. Tee-hee!"
So, Grace got a trip to Trafalga for her birthday. Trafalga is a fairly lame fun center here in Utah Valley. I realize that our gift to her was subpar, but I think it's smart to give kids really dumb birthday and Christmas gifts when they're too young to know any better. It just make sense to put away the hundred dollars or more that you would have spent every year on gifts and extravagant parties and just save up so you can buy the kid a pony when she's twelve. Then, every time she asks for birthday or Christmas gifts from then until she leaves home at eighteen, you can just say, "Be grateful for your pony." Maybe she'll get all smartypants at that point and say, "Oh, you mean the pony that you butchered for Thanksgiving dinner five years ago because you were tired of the neighbors complaining about us tying up our pony in the stairwell of our small urban apartment building?" And then you will say, "Yes, that pony. Be grateful." I think that will defuse the situation.

"Pony meat cupcakes for my birthday! Rad!"
Halen got a skateboard for his birthday. Shannon found it on Craigslist. I think it cost a small handful of quarters. Halen really likes it, but he can't ollie yet. This mildly disappoints me. I also don't know how to ollie, but I want my son to be so much more than I am, you know? BTW, I wonder where the word "ollie" came from. Is that Tony Hawk's middle name? If it is, I am uncertain as to why he chose to go by "Tony Hawk" instead of "Ollie Hawk." He really blew it. When opportunity knocks like that, you've got to let it in and feed it roasted pony!