Went to Portland yesterday for a job interview. I think I kept it real. My tactic of putting "cosmology" as one of my "personal interests" on my resume continues to pay dividends. Everybody asks about it, and it gives me the opportunity to bust out my well-rehearsed joke dialogue:
Interviewer: So, I just have to ask, what's cosmology?
Me: Well, I can tell you what it's not. It's not cosmetology.
[Wait expectantly for laughter and applause.]
Me: But seriously, when I was a freshman in college in Physical Science 100, I meant to say "cosmology" but I said "cosmetology." Everybody laughed. Oh man, I tell you what. What a hoot. You have no idea. What. A. Hoot.
Interviewer: Really. [With a period, not a question mark.]
Me: Yeah. It wasn't quite as bad as the time in 7th grade when I got de-pantsed in the hallway at lunchtime.
[Expectant pause, hoping interviewer will beg me to tell the whole story. As a sidenote, this is the same tactic people use on Facebook when they post an obtuse status update, like "OMG. I can't believe it." or "Dying right now." or "I just fell in love -- please, pleeeeeze ask me with whom." in hopes that you'll ask about it and thereby validate their entire existence.]
Interviewer: Really. [Checking his cell phone, hoping somebody will text so he can have an excuse to end the interview early.]
Me [kind of disappointed interviewer didn't ask me to rehearse my de-pantsing story]: Yeah. So I got de-pantsed in the 7th grade. Great story. No joke.
Interviewer: Listen, good talking to you. You'rrrrrre... not hired.
So, later on I was walking through downtown Portland to the light rail stop. Portland really has some eccentric folk. One part of me thinks that's cool -- you know, like people who just do what they do regardless of what society thinks. Another part of me, however, thinks there's a point which, when your eccentricity crosses it, you stop being a "cool" and "individualistic" "trendsetter" who's just "doing your own thing" and "not hurting anybody" and you start being a "sociopathic," "unstable" "burden on society" who "can't hold a job" because doing so might "compromise" your need to "smoke as many different types of flora -- and, potentially, as many different types of fauna -- as possible." I'm not trying to judge or anything. I just think the guy wearing a heavily-body pierced Jedi getup on his lunchtime stroll with his girlfriend was just taking it a little over the top, you know?
Interviewer: So, I just have to ask, what's cosmology?
Me: Well, I can tell you what it's not. It's not cosmetology.
[Wait expectantly for laughter and applause.]
Me: But seriously, when I was a freshman in college in Physical Science 100, I meant to say "cosmology" but I said "cosmetology." Everybody laughed. Oh man, I tell you what. What a hoot. You have no idea. What. A. Hoot.
Interviewer: Really. [With a period, not a question mark.]
Me: Yeah. It wasn't quite as bad as the time in 7th grade when I got de-pantsed in the hallway at lunchtime.
[Expectant pause, hoping interviewer will beg me to tell the whole story. As a sidenote, this is the same tactic people use on Facebook when they post an obtuse status update, like "OMG. I can't believe it." or "Dying right now." or "I just fell in love -- please, pleeeeeze ask me with whom." in hopes that you'll ask about it and thereby validate their entire existence.]
Interviewer: Really. [Checking his cell phone, hoping somebody will text so he can have an excuse to end the interview early.]
Me [kind of disappointed interviewer didn't ask me to rehearse my de-pantsing story]: Yeah. So I got de-pantsed in the 7th grade. Great story. No joke.
Interviewer: Listen, good talking to you. You'rrrrrre... not hired.
So, later on I was walking through downtown Portland to the light rail stop. Portland really has some eccentric folk. One part of me thinks that's cool -- you know, like people who just do what they do regardless of what society thinks. Another part of me, however, thinks there's a point which, when your eccentricity crosses it, you stop being a "cool" and "individualistic" "trendsetter" who's just "doing your own thing" and "not hurting anybody" and you start being a "sociopathic," "unstable" "burden on society" who "can't hold a job" because doing so might "compromise" your need to "smoke as many different types of flora -- and, potentially, as many different types of fauna -- as possible." I'm not trying to judge or anything. I just think the guy wearing a heavily-body pierced Jedi getup on his lunchtime stroll with his girlfriend was just taking it a little over the top, you know?