It Turns Out I Am an X-Man

Oh man, I have so much to tell you. I need to tell you that I discovered I have the power to control the weather, which I think makes me an X-Man. But I’m less the kind of X-Man who goes to that fancy X-Man boarding school for mutants, and more the kind of X-Man who is too old for boarding school and so takes an occasional online X-Man course and does poorly because he’s interrupted all the time by his kids and is too tired to study very much anyway. I’m like that kind of X-Man.

Here is what my climatic powers can do. I am working on conjuring colored snow.

But that doesn’t take away from the fact that I can control the weather. Simply by being present in the Washington DC metro area, I caused it to snow a whole bunch. Now, it may not appear at first blush that I was in fact the cause of the snow, because there are millions of people in this metro area, and any one of them could be the X-Man causing snow. Alternatively, precipitation coupled with sub-freezing temperatures could cause snow, I guess.

But then how do you explain THIS? I boarded a plane immediately after the snow stopped falling in DC and flew to the desert southwest to visit my parents, and immediately upon my plane landing it started raining in Las Vegas (I apparently can only cause precipitation and cannot yet manipulate temperature, although when I go to sleep the outdoor temperature seems to always fall, so there is clearly some connection there). My dad said it hadn’t rained in Vegas for months until my plane landed, and it proceeded to rain for all four days I was in town. The morning I left dawned bright and sunny, and then when I landed back in DC it started snowing again.

Those clouds are my doing. It’s not hard. Just a flick of the amygdala.

Another thing I need to tell you is that I broke my wrist. I’d never broken a bone before, which is of course another strong indicator that I am an X-Man. Then, when I crashed on my motorcycle a couple weeks ago and the doctor said my wrist was broken, I was disappointed that maybe I’m not an X-Man. But THEN the doctor said that if he put a cast on my arm, my bone would heal ITSELF. ON ITS OWN. And then I was sure I am, in fact, an X-Man.

This is what an X-Man looks like.

How does it feel to be an X-Man, you ask? Well, pretty good most of the time but I am still waiting for my abs to mutate a six-pack. That is kind of an X-Man prerequisite. Maybe they come with your associates degree.