Like Father, Like Son (or, “Meeting Chicks at Chuck Wagon”)
I have taught my son four guitar chords. So now he can play “Closer to Fine,” which may be the catchiest song ever written about the uselessness of a four year college degree. Here’s the thing though: of course a college degree is useless if you’re one of the Indigo Girls. They make like a thousand dollars every month or something. Maybe a little less. Upon further review, they probably need college degrees.
Who pulls it off better? Be honest. Unless you’re not going to pick me, in which case you should lie.
But the other 7,499,999,998 of us on Earth definitely need something to give us a leg up in this world, like nunchucks. Michelangelo, for instance, leveraged nunchucks to compensate for being a mutant turtle. I just thought of April O’Neill for the first time in maybe 30 years and liked it.
The other Michelangelo I think had a helicopter and also invented the Renaissance so he didn’t need nunchucks. He probably could’ve used a girlfriend though.
I’ve written about my own guitar prowess on numerous occasions, so there’s no need to rehash my virtuoso skills here. But I will say how transcendent it is to watch my son carry on the Abu Halen family tradition of sitting dazed on the couch, staring vacantly into space while strumming a poorly fingered, buzzing chord and humming faintly in a key that’s not even in the same neighborhood as the music. Like father, like son.
Whereas when I was young I wanted to learn guitar to meet chicks, my son wants to learn so he can record hot guitar licks for the montages of video game clips he likes to make. I guess it’s good that Abu Halen, Jr. isn’t interested in wooing chicks with the guitar. I mean, where would that get him? Probably Modesto, that’s where. Maybe Boise, if he’s lucky. That’s where chicks take you. Who wants to go to Modesto, besides people who are trying to get to Boise? Nobody, that’s who. And who wants to go to Boise? Nobody, except most people, that’s who.
Shannon, though, she’s different from other chicks. I wooed her with my guitar and she took me to Chuck Wagon, but only once, because it was too expensive, and she didn’t like the salad bar. Abu Halen, Jr., on the other hand, he’s not going to Chuck Wagon. He’s going to Chili’s, because it’s closer to fine. Heck yeah.
