So, it turns out my body is in its 30s, and that it's made out of Styrofoam. That has been marinated in cooking oil.
Against my better judgment, I joined a flag football team this fall. It seemed reasonable at the time: I'd bounced back from my back surgery last April. A summer's worth of yoga had made my joints nice and gummy. Everybody else was doing it. I just can't think of a time when I've been led astray by "everybody else." The crowd just seems to know how to do things wisely, safely, and efficiently. That's what we tell our kids anyhow: "Listen, if everyone else is jumping off a cliff, there's got to be something awesome down there. Go get some!"
So far I've played in three games. I broke a finger in the first game, sprained a wrist in the second game, and sprained an ankle in the third game. And it's not like I'm doing amazing things, like hurdling lesser athletes on my way to the end zone or faking fleet undergrads out of their footwear or going horizontal for a pass in the corner of the end zone and dragging my toe just inbounds while I collect the ball like it's a freaking sleeping baby. No, I disassemble my body doing dumb things, like grabbing flags or throwing down a juke in the open field with no one within eight feet of me.
Savannah had a piano recital this afternoon. She played "Song With Two Chords" and "Song With Many, Many Quarter Notes." Another student -- who was dressed like a Smurf because it's almost Halloween -- played "Really, Really Hard Song That You Should Practice More Than You Did If You're Going to Try to Play It For a Recital." He messed up a lot. I was embarrassed for him, kind of because he was really sucking it up on the piano, but mostly because he was crashing and burning while dressed as a Smurf. Low point for that kid. Please, God, don't let his parents read my blog.
Shannon let Savannah wear a touch of eye makeup to the recital. I noticed with satisfaction that none of the boys in the room noticed.
Since my ankle is the size of a small pumpkin and I can't really do anything, we watched Joe Versus the Volcano as a family. You might think this is not a typical family movie, but you would be wrong. The fact that the entire storyline leads to a guy jumping into a volcano really interests kids, it turns out. "Is he really going to jump in the volcano?" "Would it hurt if you jumped into a volcano?" "When is he going to jump into the volcano?" "Why are they kissing before he jumps into the volcano?" "Is that a real volcano?" "If you jump into a volcano, can it really shoot you out into the ocean?" It was a win-win. We enjoyed quality family time, and the kids learned about true love and volcanoes. My work here is done.
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| Grace can't play the piano, but she can snap. |
So far I've played in three games. I broke a finger in the first game, sprained a wrist in the second game, and sprained an ankle in the third game. And it's not like I'm doing amazing things, like hurdling lesser athletes on my way to the end zone or faking fleet undergrads out of their footwear or going horizontal for a pass in the corner of the end zone and dragging my toe just inbounds while I collect the ball like it's a freaking sleeping baby. No, I disassemble my body doing dumb things, like grabbing flags or throwing down a juke in the open field with no one within eight feet of me.
Savannah had a piano recital this afternoon. She played "Song With Two Chords" and "Song With Many, Many Quarter Notes." Another student -- who was dressed like a Smurf because it's almost Halloween -- played "Really, Really Hard Song That You Should Practice More Than You Did If You're Going to Try to Play It For a Recital." He messed up a lot. I was embarrassed for him, kind of because he was really sucking it up on the piano, but mostly because he was crashing and burning while dressed as a Smurf. Low point for that kid. Please, God, don't let his parents read my blog.
Shannon let Savannah wear a touch of eye makeup to the recital. I noticed with satisfaction that none of the boys in the room noticed.
Since my ankle is the size of a small pumpkin and I can't really do anything, we watched Joe Versus the Volcano as a family. You might think this is not a typical family movie, but you would be wrong. The fact that the entire storyline leads to a guy jumping into a volcano really interests kids, it turns out. "Is he really going to jump in the volcano?" "Would it hurt if you jumped into a volcano?" "When is he going to jump into the volcano?" "Why are they kissing before he jumps into the volcano?" "Is that a real volcano?" "If you jump into a volcano, can it really shoot you out into the ocean?" It was a win-win. We enjoyed quality family time, and the kids learned about true love and volcanoes. My work here is done.