Welcome to Abu Halen.

If you listen real heard, you can actually hear the good times roll. Or at least limp. Maybe crawl.

What's A-100 Like? (or "Taking a Bath in a Suit and Tie")

Everyone wants to know what A-100 is like. I use the term "everyone" loosely here, seeing as how nobody has asked me what A-100 is like. But, as someone who once had a passing thought about considering a career in hard-hitting journalism, I answer the unasked questions, just like tarot card readers and schizophrenics. So I'll tell you what A-100 is like. It's fine, thanks.

Ducks just wanna know what A-100 is like (and have fun).
We had a field trip to Capitol Hill last week. I emerged from the Union Station metro stop just as the rain-heavy clouds exploded all over Washington DC. I wasn't quite sure which direction was which, and whipping out my phone for directions in the frantic rain would've been akin to throwing it in a goldfish pond. So I struck out in a random direction and hoped I was right, but I wasn't. Ten minutes later I was still meandering aimlessly, my suited and tied self completely drenched. It may be true that not all who wander are lost, but some who wander are lost. I soon bumped into a colleague with an umbrella and I was like, "Wherever you are going, I am going with you. You are my Moses." And my Moses led me to the Senate building, where I holed up in the men's bathroom for 20 minutes with the warm hand dryer so when the congressional staffers came to talk to us I wouldn't look like I just took a bath in my suit.

One of my favorite things about suburban Northern Virginia is the paved running/biking trails. There are so many of them that they need lanes, road signs, and intersections. I went running a couple Saturdays ago at about eight in the morning and I swear there was more traffic on the trails than on Interstate 66. I kept getting passed by guys in spandex on bikes and sweaty runners in expensive running clothes. And I kept passing people with dogs so huge that they'd have a fighting chance in a cage match with a Howitzer. 

I confess I felt a bit like a hobo in my thrift store running outfit. My running shirt advertises dental services and has a smiley sunshine on the front beneath the slogan "Wake Up to a Brand New Smile." Maybe I was hyper sensitive, but it sure seemed like people -- and their dogs -- were doing an awful lot of double-taking at my shirt. I think I need to go get myself a respectable running shirt like everyone else, one that siphons moisture away from your body and converts hydrocarbons into nitro that you can use for speed boosts, just like Prefontaine.

Where We're Moving (or "Stamping Out the Electric Slide, One Nation at a Time")

Happy Hour Neophytes (or "Slamming Coke With Few New Bros")