Welcome to Abu Halen.

If you listen real heard, you can actually hear the good times roll. Or at least limp. Maybe crawl.

How to Get Your Grandma to Buy You Soccer Shoes

He was this cute right from the get-go. 

Halen is scheming to get his grandmother to buy him some soccer shoes that he can’t afford. Reflecting on how cool it’s going to be when (not if) she buys him the soccer shoes, he mused, “Nanny is so nice. Maybe I should get a gift for her too! Like . . . a blanket. A big fluffy blanket. Yeah, that would be a good gift. . . . And also some good air conditioning.”

This boy has grown to dread the warm nights of Saudi Arabia; he can no longer sleep in a room that’s warmer than 60 degrees Fahrenheit. But he still loves his fuzzy blankets, poor thing.

I Am Funny. I Am Pretty. I Am Good.

Road Trips, in Disguise