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| Happy Bangladeshi guy |
When
we first announced that we would be serving our first Foreign Service tour in
Saudi Arabia, people would invariably respond, “What an adventure!” That, of
course was a euphemism for “Wow, that’s really going to suck!” Most people
don’t want to tell you that the next couple of years life are going to be
crappy; they want to spare your feelings. And bless their hearts for that.
I do
the same. Just before we last left the States, I met a couple that was bound
for Abuja, Nigeria. Abuja had also been on our bid list, so Joey and I had
researched it extensively. And you know I responded, “Wow, what an adventure,
huh?”
That
“huh?” was strategic. Unless you’re talking to someone who has Asperger’s, a
“huh?” turns the conversation back over to the other person so that you have
time to gather some positive thoughts that will temporarily allay their
misgivings about their bad luck.
Euphemisms
are important social tools. We hear them all the time, although I find that
they differ somewhat by region and culture.
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| Old City, Jeddah |
For
example, when we moved from Utah to Virginia, every time I went out in public
with my four children, complete strangers would say (with this exact
phrasing!): “You have your hands full, don’t you?” And that of course meant,
“You have reproduced more times than our society deems is normal. It’s only
fair that you’re being publicly humiliated and/or exasperated by your children
right now.”
But I
knew they meant well, of course, because they tagged that “don’t you?” to the
end of their question so that I would nod and we’d both feel solidarity in our
mutual agreement. Then I’d at least have that cheery feeling of camaraderie to
get me through the next few minutes of hell with my kids. . . . And that’s
thoughtful in it’s own way, you know?
In
all honesty, I’m not offended by any of these euphemisms. Yes, they’re easily
deconstructed in an “I’m Eeyore the Postmodernist” kind of way, but they reveal
a good heart.
Eeyore
was not a healthy donkey although he was surrounded with wonderful friends (one
of whom showed commendable resilience despite being named “Pooh”). It’s much
better—and much healthier for everyone—to laugh than to take offense. One of
the really wonderful things about human existence is that we get to choose our
responses to life, wherever it happens to take us.